How to help immediately after the loss

We all want to be there for our friends, family and colleagues when they need us—and we want to magically disappear when they need to be alone. But finding appropriate and heartfelt ways to show our support and caring immediately after a painful loss can be difficult.

Even so, you can make a real difference to those who are grieving, especially in the days immediately following their loss. Here are some simple, meaningful ways to show your support. Be guided by your own insight and the intimacy level of your relationship to adapt these ideas to your own situations.

1. Get in touch.
During those first painful days, reach out and let people know you are thinking of them. Send a sympathy card or a beautiful blank card with a short heartfelt note, including a treasured memory of their loved one if appropriate. If you're close to the person, call and ask if you can be of help. Give a beautiful visual representation of your caring by sending flowers or a plant.

For you, each of these caring gestures may take just a few moments. For the receiver, these gestures are living acts of love at a time when their world seems to be falling apart.

2. Seek out advice from friends and family.
If you're not sure how to help, begin by asking friends, family or clergy. Talk to someone who's close enough to the family to know what kinds of support and help are most useful.

3. Make phone calls and run errands.
Volunteer to be in the house to provide help and comfort for any need that arises. Create a phone tree to make sure all family and friends know of the death and the funeral arrangements. Volunteer to drive out-of-town relatives. Organize babysitting services. Designate one friend to coordinate volunteer meals for the family. Or simply sit...be there for the one who needs a shoulder to cry on...and a friend to lean on.

It's not an easy task, walking through a time of grief with someone you care about. But you may just find that the simple, practical, meaningful acts of caring you share with a wounded heart return to you as nourishment for your own spirit as well...