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How (and how not) to give a great birthday toast
Glasses have been clinked, conversation has been paused, and fate (or a harried host) has selected you to deliver a birthday toast. Here’s what you can do to compliment the living birthday cake out of the Guest of Honor.
All done? Then it’s time for another drink and more cake, and everyone will remember that you were awesome. Or at least nice, which is actually better than awesome.
How NOT to deliver a toast The following are actual snippets from actual birthday toasts that we actually made up to demonstrate what you should never do. The Guest of Honor is referred to as “(GOH).”
“I’m not saying (GOH) is old, but the birthday cake has been pre-chewed for easy swallowing.”
“Welcome, friends, family and the rest of you who showed up for free food and were invited so this wouldn’t seem so sad.”
“I’m not saying (GOH) is wild, but we should try really hard to remember every detail of what happens tonight for the inevitable police inquiry.”
“There’s really no one like (GOH). Thank heavens.”
“As anyone who’s slept with (GOH) knows…”
“Tonight we’re going to have as much fun as the strict rules described in the various restraining orders allow.”
“Let’s raise a glass to (GOH)! Technically speaking, not the worst person any of us knows.”
“I’ve known (GOH) since his/her Mom was hot…”
“I have a lot of deep feelings about (GOH)—feelings that can only be expressed in song. Here we go…”
“At an early age (GOH) showed signs of greatness. What happened?”
“Tonight we honor (GOH)! Tomorrow we desperately try to remember what we said.”
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